Michael is tired because, on and off for more than 24 hours, he's been stitching together a story he rarely tells in full, even to those closest to him. It's late, the sun has set, and we're both exhausted. "Partly habit." We're sitting in the living room of his one-bedroom apartment. So why, I ask, is he still running the place? He emphasized that he'd never liked the "incel" idea in the first place ("It's just a dumb term") and that he no longer even thinks of himself as love-shy. He frequently went off the record or sidestepped answering me directly. This contributes to a climate where, as Michael sees it, it's better to "just keep quiet, because otherwise you can be misinterpreted in all sorts of negative ways."įor Michael, our conversations were minefields, with the potential for misspeaking-or being quoted out of context-lurking in the shadow of every question. Now they're losers, weirdos, and potential monsters. Guys who can't get women aren't just losers and weirdos anymore. Michael has nothing but scorn for Rodger, not just because of his senseless, horrific crimes, but also because his behavior demonizes chronically celibate men. Start envisioning a world where WOMEN FEAR YOU." One day incels will realize their true strength and numbers, and will overthrow this oppressive feminist system. He'd even argued for a revolution of male incels: "If we can't solve our problems, we must DESTROY our problems. What set Rodger apart from other "virgin killers" (as headlines have dubbed them) was that he left an extensive digital footprint in an Internet world dedicated to men complaining about their solo state. Just last fall, Chris Harper-Mercer, the 26-year-old who killed nine people at Umpqua Community College in Oregon, was posting online about being "involuntarily" celibate. Previous mass shooters-from Marc Lépine in Montreal in 1989 to Pittsburgh's George Sodini in 2009-had expressed similar sentiments. Rodger described his rampage as vengeance against attractive women for denying him sex and affection. ON MAY 23, 2014, 22-year-old Elliot Rodger went on a killing spree in Isla Vista, California, murdering six people and injuring 14 others. People on frequently commiserate over moments like these: moments where the assumption is that everyone is having sex, no big deal. "Really, I want to know," the woman continued. But the more time we spent together, the more I saw him react with curiosity or amusement, his mouth smiling almost against his face's will, his gray eyes lighting up, calling to mind the image of an affable high school teacher still excited by his material-the kind of high school teacher you wouldn't be surprised to find had a cute spouse at home. In fact, if I had to guess, I'd say the aspect of his appearance that gives him the most trouble is his default expression of protective skepticism. But here's the thing: While I wouldn't call Michael handsome, he struck me as a fine, average-looking guy. The question made me sad, and resistant to describing Michael at all, as if to do so were to put my stamp of approval on our whole hierarchy of beauty. Almost everyone I told about this article asked me, almost instantly, whether he was ugly-as in ugly to an extent that it would explain his sexlessness. ![]() He's trim, around 5'10", with a pale, angular face and light-brown hair that is thinning but definitely still there. "How many women have you slept with because of this dog?" "Tell me the truth," she said, leaning in conspiratorially. ![]() She'd seen him with his dog at a party a few weeks back. The woman, still petting the beagle, started teasing Michael. (One of Michael's terms for participating in this story was that I not include his last name or exact age, only that he's on the older end of the millennial spectrum.) But offline, he almost never mentions it-much less that he hasn't dated anyone since he was 17, and has had sex just once in the decade-plus since. At times, it's been his primary social outlet. Michael has sunk countless hours into the site. They use the site as an advice depot, confessional, and water cooler, complaining frequently about the impossibility of making themselves understood by "normies" or "noncels." Other users call themselves "incels," meaning "involuntary celibates," or "ForeverAlone," which requires no explanation. Some identify themselves as suffering from "love-shyness," a condition, though not recognized by any mental health authority, that is characterized by extreme anxiety over any romantic or sexual interaction. Many of the site's users have gone years, decades, or even their entire lives without romance. "Support for the dating-challenged," proclaims the front page. For several years, Michael has been the owner and administrator of, a Web forum where men-and a smattering of women-talk about their struggles with sex, love, and dating.
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